This is the transcript of The Masked Elf's report, for those of you who like to cheat. You can still download the actual audio thing here.

 

Cinder Bear's Day

Written By her life

Once upon a time, a little bear popped her beary paws out of her beary house and saw that all was good. She snuck off to sniff the flowers and gave a giant "ACHOOO". "BLESS YOU!" shouted all her blue mason stalkers. She giggled and went on her way.

OBEY THE MUSKRAT

Then she came across Gar. Gar was a silly kitty. All day he would sit and stare at a pickle. One day Cinder Bear asked Gar "Why do you like pickles so much?" He replied, "Because the Muskrat told me to." "Do you always listen to the Muskrat?" asked Bear. "Yes. So should you," Gar replied.

OBEY THE MUSKRAT

Then Bear went back to her home to feed her five hundred children abandoned by their father El Borracho. One child cried, "Mommy, when is Daddy coming home?" Bear hung her head and began to cry. Just then, El Borracho burst through the door. "MY HERO!" shouted Bear, throwing her little paws up in the air.

OBEY THE MUSKRAT

"Cinder bear is insane!" shouted El Borracho. "I refuse to pay child support for the existing children she SAYS are mine BUT SHE CAN'T PROVE IT and I will certainly not have any more with her!! ENOUGH IS ENOUGH! I WON'T LET HER TIE ME DOWN!!"

OBEY THE MUSKRAT

Then the helpful Guardians came to the rescue as El Borracho began to go insane, not that he wasn't already. They drug him off never to be seen again. Let us all thank the great Beekin for the Guardians. Thank you, Beekin, for sending us our Guardians!

FORGET THE MUSKRAT—OBEY THE GUARDIANS