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VOL. 1

FRIES DAY, APRIL 28, 2006

Mayor Honcho unveils new Furcadian newspaper

NAIA GREEN — Furcadian citizens were flamboyantly bored on Sunday when mayor Honcho of Furtropolis announced the syndication of a new Furcadian newspaper, "The Muskrat." Honcho described the newspaper as "a much-needed resource to inform the citizens about the goings-on and shenanigans and what have you. I don't know. Come to Furtropolis!"

The response from Naia Green inhabitants was mostly ":yawns" but occasionally "help guardian plz Honcho is here." Fourteenth century Danish alchemist HCl observed that "nobody reads newspapers anymore" and "I just don't trust that guy Honcho." In a phone interview, the mayor admitted his credibility has been low in recent years. "I don't know why people never take me seriously," said Honcho. "Could it be because of my beard?"

Honcho's beard

In order to answer this question, our reporters lead an exclusive investigation to uncover the truth about Honcho's beard. Furres emerging from a public restroom were asked their opinions on the matter. Minx, a Sri Lankan plumber/astronaut, commented "Go away o.o" before wisely putting our reporter on ignore. One furre, who wished to remain anonymous, stated "I have often considered smearing peanut butter all over his beard and then licking off every bit. So far, I haven't acted upon these urges. :X)" As tobacco lobbyist Youlanda put it, "The beard? It has haunted my dreams ever since I was a wee lad. How many nights have I screamed in agony while nightmares of brown, fluffy facial hair torture my sleeping mind? Beware the beard. It has turned me into the person you see before you." Cinder Bear responded while knitting a pair of fluffy mittens. "Honcho is a wonderful furre, full of happy things that make my heart glad." She continued, "Remember, newfurres, always keep a great big happy smile on your face, and you'll keep that warm and fuzzy feeling for ever and ever! #SA"

Simon Potter was unavailable for comment, as usual.

 

Lizfang in imminent danger

A recently discovered photograph has lead police to suspect that Lizfang may be killed and/or eaten without notice. Anyone who knows Lizfang's whereabouts are encouraged to contact the police, although they agree that she is probably beyond saving at this point.

 

Alts for sale

The following alts are for sale. We accept Paypal, cash, life digos, Gaia gold, Guild Wars accounts, petrified time, goats, and girlfriends, but definitely not DragonScales.

 

#SO Akron, Ohio #SO

YanniLuvr91

Deferred Annuities

Felorin's Left Buttock

Horticulture PWNS

i have strong teeth

Dan Quayle

 

Honcho's momentous announcement

Honcho addresses the citizens of Naia Green.

Is Furcadia gay?

According to several sources, Furcadia is, like, totally gay. Said LauraSquirrel92, a male feline, "omg this place is so gay." Blue seagull harry_boy agreed: "fruc is rly gay n wtf teh muksrat ur gay 2 bcuz u wnt ppl 2 say things r gay."

Divine Empress Emerald Flame, in a recent interview, had this to say on the subject: "What? The update will be released when it's ready!" She then snapped her fingers and NiteMyste emerged from the shadows, a wicked grin on his face and a switchblade in his paw. NiteMyste whispered softly, "visit nitemyste.net or I'll carve your liver into a lovely collectible figurine," and returned to the shadows from whence he came. Our reporter considered this to be "kind of creepy" at the time.

Regardless, Furcadia undeniably has a reputation of being gay. An independent study conducted by the Fires cult in Furrabian Nights revealed that 87% of Furcadia, is in fact, gay. The remaining 16% was found to be 7% gey, 4% ghey, 2% Fires cult, and 4% other. These statistics show a much higher percentage of gay than analysts had previously thought.

Furcadia has been spotted holding hands with Second Life, another male MMOG. It is rumored that they often go dancing together on Saturday nights at a local disco-themed club. Freudian psychoanalyst and benevolent/tyrannical dictator Felorin responded, "Furcadia's just this cat, you know." Experts have criticised Felorin's remark as "unhelpful" and "confusing".
 

 

TrendWatch: Emo Now Fashionable

After several years of being mocked and ridiculed by the majority of Furcadians, the "emo" trend has experienced a sudden reversal in popularity, according to fashion beekin Tawny Silverpaws. "For a long time, most Furcadia users would literally jump at the chance to deride the emo movement as lame and unoriginal. Now, though, there's literally an influx of new emo furres." When asked if she knew what "literally" means, Silverpaws muttered something incoherent and changed the subject.

"Yeah, I was totally mocking emos every chance I got," said newly emo furre Draco Sorrow.

"But now I'm totally beyond that. Emo mockers are so gay. Lol, did you hear about the emo mocker whose mom was..." Sorrow then broke down crying.

Experts attribute this "wave of emo", as one furre called it before he was punched in the face, to a new awareness that everyone has emotions. "It was sort of a snowball effect," says Furcadia sociologist Silver Tawnypaws. "Once furres started noticing that they too could feel sadness, there was a sudden moment of realization that maybe they were actually emo all this time." Tawnypaws predicts a rise in rectangular glasses, bad poetry, and worse music, but not, surprisingly, in self-injury. "It turns out that cutting oneself intentionally is a result of an actual mental illness. Who knew?"
 

 

Furcadian Pregnancy At All-Time Low Somehow

Despite the high prevalence of yiffing, especially in Furrabian Nights (FurN), the rate of pregnancy is the lowest it has been in several years. Only approximately 1 in 500 females have given birth in the past year, as well as only 1 in 1000 males.

In light of the current trend of faster, harder yiffing reaching its explosive climax in recent weeks, these findings have stimulated obscene quantities of verbal intercourse.

a Quaker expressing his love for yiffing

Nine out of ten Quakers admit to yiffing.