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a buck

FREEM

VOL. 40

MONDAY, FEBRUARY 19, 2007

Muskrat adds submission guidelines

by a monkey at a typewriter

In an unmarkepretly situatocutional rep, The Muskrat has perspicaciously added a spiffy new submission guidelines internetomatic. This should be markonomical for the advantilious furre who wishes to submit some sort of funtilubjar to our reprinatric newspaper.

 

Yiffy Lube does something

FURRABIAN NIGHTS — A crowds of salivating, sex-crazed FurN citizens let out a raucous, joyous cheer on Thursday as the red tape was cut by Bahamut, officially opening for business the newest of Nash's "on Furcadia" chain of dreams. The name of this promising new franchise? Yiffy Lube.

I will never look at Jiffy Lube signs the same again

Yiffy Lube's logo

Thousands of car owners are already crowding into the new dream, desperate for efficient, reasonably priced automobile repairs and yiffing.

"My carburetor was totally shot, and I had nowhere else to turn!" commented excited dream visitor Lawra N. Spitwyves. "So I went to Yiffy Lube and the mechanic was so... capable. He handled his socket wrench so expertly, and I was very impressed by his lugnuts!" Our reporter, who is totally QQQCDQQQ, panicked and fled the scene. He has not been seen since and is presumed dead.

Whatever, anyway, this new dream is sure to attract hundreds of visitors, because car mechanics are the next big fetish in FurN apparently. Crazy perverts.

 

Furcadia's Wall Street does something

Wall Street on Furcadia ended a fractious session slightly higher Friday after falling portrait space prices hurt wolftaur stocks and overshadowed a stronger-than- expected productivity reading. A Furcadia Reserve official's comments on interest rates also soured the market's earlier good mood.

Furcadians' interest in Wall Street also declined greatly after reading reports such as the above. Naia Green was filled with unconscious furres who collapsed to the ground after attempting to read the stories. "Hello?" asked several newfurres, who left seconds later when they received no response.

 

FuzzyRandom does something

The famed FuzzyRandomists of FuzzyRandom fame have completed their 10th anniversary celebration with an exhilarating fireworks display complete with triumphant John Philip Sousa orchestral music and, afterward, violent riots that swept Furcadia, leaving many bankrupt and #SLing.

A good hearty chuckle was had by all.

 

Alts for sale

Alts, yo. Alts, yo. Atls, yo. Atsl, oy. tAlsy, o. Talzhemirio. Super Mario.

 

Animal Crackaz

The Future!!!

xFelorinx

Furmicide

(unintelligible)

Prohibition didn't work because people are stupid!

The liquor-worshipping alcoholics prayed desperately for their church to re-open.

Local liquor Store closed:
or is it?

by Matthew (mostly)

Local Furcadian citizens are outraged! Well, one or two of them, anyway. Upon arriving at one of the most popular liquor stores (Moore Liquor), these furres discovered that their favorite alcohol-licensed shop was locked! A sign on the door that read "BBL", but they waited until later, and no one showed up. Reporter Wolfpawz commented that upon further investigation he saw animal-vegetable Kittyloaf and mineral(?) El Borracho inside drinking all the beer and battery acid (yet Wolfpawz's credibility is disputed due to documented mental problems).

Flirtatious airline stewardess Ady and

her Harvard-educated friends were visiting the store to buy beer for their wild unsupervised teenage party. Tragically, that's not going to happen now! They were reportedly "flummoxed", as well as "floundered" and "physically fit". Those last two are irrelevant but how boring would it be if we only had relevant stuff here? Very boring, that's how boring.

How is this possible? How can two people drink so much without risky and ethically questionable medical procedures involving whale organ transplants? Well, it's not really my problem anymore. I told you, now you deal with the problem yourself, jerk.

Matthew is a common male name. There are a lot of people named Matthew.

 

How it went down, from Looke's perspective.

Aliens confirmed!

by An Anonymous

JackClaw was walking along casually, enjoying the musk-droppings left all over the streets, and the smell of old rotting newspapers, when suddenly he heard a short, quick rumbling sound from across the street. He looked closer and realized it was the mail truck! He quietly pulled out his taser and inched closer to the car trunk door. Then he opened the car door and saw... A bunch of hillbilly-dressed immigrants! After he captured one and tasered another, the other two escaped. Hillbillies can run pretty fast, you know!

He interrogated them and killed Look, the tasered one. Though somehow she ressurected and became LookE.

Anywho, what matters is that we have confirmed that Kittyloaf is the caretaker of these Hillbilly immigrants. We tried to interrogate her but found she was in a meditative state we like to call AFKness. All we can be sure of is that immigrants are coming in, and I will investigate this until we have stopped it.

An Anonymous is a really silly name. But he or she is a really awesome person! He or she is really cool when you get to know him or her, probably.