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VOL. 45

MONDAY, MARCH 26, 2007

Wormhole opens in Haven

Something finally happened in the deserted island of Haven (formerly New Haven, Connecticut) for the first time in years last Tuesday when a rip in space and time occurred there.

Guardians were on the scene within six hours after their supernatural phenomenomometer started making this, like, really loud noise. Pawy Pawpawpaw was the first one there. "It was crazy," said the guy with the stupid name. "There was this big black hole out by the Watering Hole, and there were all these weird creatures coming out of it. Then they just sort of stood around and talked and ate picnic lunches. Some of them were playing badminton. It was really weird. I mean, badminton... who plays badminton?"

Asked to describe the creatures, Pawpawpaw said, "They looked kind of like Libby Dole but two feet taller and five inches shorter." An artist's depiction of the wormhole creatures:

 

our art department is expert in advanced MSPaint rendering technology

 

Eventually the Guardians were able to herd the creatures back into the wormhole from whence they came while warning them that if they returned, they could get up to a 3-month ban. No effort was made to figure out where they had come from and why they had entered Haven, because all we really need to know is that they were a bunch of nasty foreigners.

Closing the wormhole has been added to DEP's list of things to do. They expect to get around to it "soon".

 

Haven for ebil [sic] kiwis found

by karnal

Kiwi havens are on the rise as we discover yet another place for them to go. This one, a kiwi daycare. The ebil [sic] kiwis here have enslaved resident furres, forcing them (the furres) to wash them (the kiwis) and take care of them (the kiwis again).

Luckily this reporter left before the swarm of kiwis tried to brainwash him. While he was there he got to question one furre that was grooming his kiwi about the daycare. All he got in response was "Kiwis are good. Kiwis are cute. I serve kiwi," in a disturbingly monotone voice that pretty much freaked him out.

Karnal is a world-renowned human tosser and Christian Metal vocalist.

 

Did you know?

Did you know that guy? He seemed to know you.

 

Alts for sale

We are selling the following alts for world peace.

 

ees uoY

Lizardperv K. Reptiletouch

Brian Gryffe

Recycled Joke

Pickle Monster

Anthony, the Anthropomorphic Anthropologist

Freddy, the Furry Freemason

EnRon Hubbard

The Marauding Meateater

Hieronymus Bosch's paintings were the inspiration for Furrabian Nights

A sneak preview of the coming Furcadia update, if it existed, which it doesn't. Click for a slightly larger version.

Furcadia update: a hoax?

(for those of you with short attention spans: yes)

Shrieks of delight and/or horror were heard throughout Furcadia last week when Dragon's Eye Productions announced that the next major update is near. But cower in indifference, naive

 

please look only at the middle of the picture

The announcement was displayed on the welcome screen, where nobody saw it.

commoners, for it is all a lie! A diabolical, adorable lie!

As you may know, we at The Muskrat have been reporting on the coming update since May 2006, and it had been expected "soon" since approximately 6 years before that. But finally, the update has been announced to be released within seconds of when you read this.

However, those elite few of us who know everything there is to know about Furcadia (me, former president James "Gar" Garfield, and my grandmother) scoff derisively at such predictions. Rest assured, gentle reader, the update will not come this week. It will not come this weekend. And, I swear by the Primes below and all that is unholy and anthropomorphic that it will definitely not come on Sunday, between the hours of 4pm and 10pm FST.

 

Beekin Death or Beekin Coma?

by Masterdeeds

The past few weeks anyone who has typed "help" and asked for help with their dream has been ignored or sorely disappointed by the lack of caring shown by what few Beekins have been on duty.

Ribbons R Fun is one of those furres. When interviewed, they had this to say: "yeah, i needed a mason for this patch problem but there weren't any! wth is up with this? i mean they r beekins! they r supposed to b around when i need help!" We couldn't agree more that the slave volunteers of DEP should always be around when we need them!

Wanting to know why our DEP slaves have been gone, we sent out a reporter to find the inside scoop from some random furre in Sanctuary. The only non-afk furre our reporter could find was Ryo, the resident kiwi.

Reporter: Do you know why there have been no Beekins on duty the past couple weeks?

Ryo: Didn't you guys come by 5 minutes ago and ask this?

Reporter: I er... I don't know what you are talking about! Just answer the question!

Ryo: Ugh. You reporters are so pushy. I suspect that it's all Cinder Bear's doing. You've noticed the lack of kiwis around, haven't you? She's gathered together the Beekins for a secret raid of the Evil Kiwi Hideout since kiwis are all endangered.

Reporter: I see... and what do you believe happened at the hideout?

Ryo: I'm hoping the kiwis massacred them all. Either that or Cinder's holding one long cookout and all the Beekins have passed out in meat comas.

Reporter: Fascinating! So Cinder Bear is holding all the Beekins hostage until DEP comes out with Ursine avatars! Smart!

Ryo: Wait, that's not what I said!

At this point our reporter was so excited that he left Ryo, who with her small kiwi legs was unable to keep up with him.

Masterdeeds doesn't think much of Adam Sandler.