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SPANKIN’

VOL. 42

MONDAY, MARCH 5, 2007

Youlanda implicated in dolphin disappearances

Until recently, dolphins were a very common sight in Furcadia. You could see them swimming about in even the shallowest Haven ponds. Therefore, everyone was baffled, except the unbafflable, when one day we all woke up (at the same time) to discover that all the dolphins had just plain vanished!

Suspicions ranged wildly, and everyone from the lowest newfurre to Felorin himself was considered a possible suspect by the investigating Guardians. They even suspected themselves! This shows how dedicated they are. Howe’er, they eventually narrowed it down to one suspect. Who did they come up with? Well, read the headline.

The evidence against her is staggering. There have been several eyewitness reports that describe Youlanda as “frolicking like a child with dozens of dolphins, which played a spirited game of volleyball with her in the waters surrounding Allegria Island.” One witness, Cruncher, who spoke to us on condition of anonymity, noted that “she looked happier than I’ve ever seen her, which is to say, she looked actually happy.” Clearly the description of someone who’d steal every dolphin.

For Youlanda’s part, when we asked if the allegations were true, she replied, “No!” This shows that not only is she a dolphin thief, she’s also a liar. As for her punishment: the Guardians have unanimously decreed that she is to be banned from Furcadia until she gives all the dolphins back.