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VOL. 43

MONDAY, MARCH 12, 2007

Furcadia prepares for drunken bacchanalia

Yes, Saint Patrick's Day is drawing near. The holiday where everyone punishes their livers in celebration of some ancient missionary will be this coming Saturday.

All across Furcadia, the preparations have begun. Irish whiskey distilleries and fermented kiwi (not the fruit) breweries have been working to full capacity, green paint is sold out in all the Furcadian hardware stores, and furres everywhere are practicing consuming large quantities of alcohol to build up their tolerances so that they will not die on Saturday. Even Dragon's Eye Productions has gotten in on the action, selling shamrock desctags for those who wish to proclaim "I am willing to imbibe Irish stout and engage in raucous behaviour, regardless of my relation to Irish people, which may be nonexistent."

El Borracho was found spinning around in circles, chanting "Dublin borracho!" and failing at kissing random passersby. He commented, "This is, for obvious reasons, my favorite holiday. But aside from the drinking, I am celebrating my heritage. Like Stephen Colbert, I am 1/13th Irish." He then shouted "You're after me lucky charms!" and attacked our reporter.

Emerald Flame, the spokesperson for all Irish people worldwide, had a great deal to say. "Do you mind? I just found out my long-lost twin brother is Conan O'Brien. This is a very emotional time for me."

The janitor seemed to be excited about the coming holiday. "I'll have so much vomit to clean up! It's a janitor's dream come true!" He then gleefully skipped away, trailing a cloud of magical sparkles and Windex.

 

Cironir receives threat

Guardian consul Cironir received a death threat on Saturday. The threat, written in Latin on an old scroll, translates to "Beware the ides of March!" The threat was addressed to "Julius Cironir".

Cironir did not appear to be worried when he was interviewed on Sunday. "I don't know who this trouble furre is, but I'm not afraid of him. He even got my first name wrong. Everyone knows it's Mickey-chan."

 

Poetry Corner

Yay, poetry! Don't you love poetry? Here's a haiku by Kuyuchuchu.

Running in Naia

Running in Naia

poking fun at the Beekins

..oh @$!?, I've been banned

 

Did you know?

Did you know that Felorin has you on ignore?

 

Alts for sale

We are selling the following alts for an old guitar.

 

α wolf

Quintuple Latte

Wolf's Brain

ω wolf

Kittyloaf screams in agony over the corpse of The Other Guy, who was killed by one of The Muskrat's own helicopters. Is that ironic or what?

The Other Guy killed in helicopter accident

Everyone in the entire universe came to a complete halt last Thursday upon learning that The Other Guy, an editor at The Muskrat, had been killed in a freak helicopter accident by a freak in a helicopter.

Kittyloaf, the first to arrive on the scene, told police and reporters and friends and family members and random people on the street that she discovered The Other Guy's body while traipsing carelessly through the dense forests of the Muskrat dream. Describing her story in painstaking detail, she said, "Suddenly, I saw a helicopter in the distance! I thought to myself, 'Wow, it's a helicopter! I'd sure like to see this helicopter. Helicopter!' My joy was intensified by the fact that there was a gored corpse on the ground. I love gored corpses! Unfortunately, when I got

closer, I discovered that it was the body of someone I cared about!" She then cried for the longest time ever.

The perpetrator of this horrible, horrible crime is unknown. However, authorities are convinced that he or she or shi or it will be consumed by guilt at the horrible loss they have afflicted on the world, and will eventually be forced to confess, like in that one book by the Russian guy who died a long time ago.

Funeral services will be held throughout Furcadia for the next year or so. Lots of famous people from throughout the universe will try to attend, including President Bush, Queen Elizabeth II, Pope Benedict XVI, Vladimir Putin, President Clinton, President Carter, the other President Bush, the ghost of President Washington, Mr. Spock, Seven of Nine, Han Solo, God, and Felorin. God had this to say about The Other Guy's passing: "Ha ha! I get him and you guys don't!"

 
Krush the kiwi!

The kiwi and its accomplice are confronted. Click for full size.

Kiwi hideout found

Kiwis: the tiny, cute creatures that are the root of all evil. Luckily, they are now endangered, thanks to DEP's "relocation" program. However, some traitors have taken it upon themselves to harbor kiwis, as one of our reporters has found.

The reporter, named Squeeakers, was peacefully walking through AI and was attracted to a certain dream, whose name will not be printed here to protect the dream's maker from violence. Just kidding, it's Feisu Island. Squeeakers

describes her exploration of the dream: "As I curiously walked down the small flight of wooden steps, I heard the voices of two females. One was a tri-winged furre, and the other was a small brown kiwi! She yelled, 'I CAN EXPLAIN!' I then read the emit that appeared when I walked into a dark room. It said something about this being an Evil Kiwi Hideout!"

We at The Muskrat call upon decent furres everywhere to immediately report to the Guardians anyone that harbors filthy kiwis. It's the right thing to do.

 
FILTER DODGER!!