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SALMON

VOL. 14

MONDAY, JULY 31, 2006

Naia pillows editorialize

NAIA GREEN — Recently a disturbing trend has been noticed in the pillows of Naia Green: the words floating above them, once helpfully descriptive, have now begun to show unflattering opinions, as our own El Borracho discovered:

 

is this supposed to be funny?

(Associated Press photo)

Pillow psychologist Valentia Wyspswr theorizes that this results from the Naia pillows' sedentary lifestyle. She explains, "Pillows are naturally designed to be picked up and carried around all over a dream. It makes them happy. With the arrival of Naia, new pillows were introduced that could not be picked up and shown new places, which makes them feel very depressed. Poor pillows. I weep for the pillows. Anyway, I believe that this makes them very bitter, and they channel this bitterness into comments about the furres they see. But, really, you are pretty weird-looking."

The Muskrat will not be interviewing Wyspswr again.

 

The Muskrat assaults ears

Dissatisfied with destroying only one of your senses (ocularness), The Muskrat is breaking into noisemaking. WFRC and Howl Audio, owned by radio moguls NiteMyste and Xxysthstris, have now been corrupted by unpleasant muskrat voices, in the form of radio promos. Those who have no respect for their ears should listen to the WFRC clip (Nite's version) or the Howl Audio clip.

 

Poetry Corner

This week's poem, by an anonymouse mous, expresses the sentiments we all feel, deep down.

Humans

Disgusting bodies

Repulsive bald flesh

Flat, grotesque faces

Hideous lack of tails

Thank Beekin I'm not one

 

Alts for sale

The following alts are for sale. They're not very good alts, but there's got to be someone who'll buy them... right? Right??

 

Hobo Chang Ba

Mary, Queen of Scotch

Machiavellian

Phil the South African Roadie

Homoerotic Overtones

MistySparkle CannibalKitty

Master Shake the Unoriginal

Beekin the Bonecrusher

Somename TalkingAnimal

Reticulating Splines

Rrrrrrelcome!

ICH BIN EIN KÄTZCHEN

Binky Largehuge

I am abusing the ALT attribute

A screen capture of "Everybody Loves FluFF". This is what happens when you try to make a TV show out of Furcadia.

Furcadian sitcom debuts

Situation comedies, popular on television for decades, have found their place in Furcadia. The pilot episode of "Everybody Loves FluFF" was broadcast at 8:30/7:30 Central on Fox last Friday.

Based on the comical exploits of FluFF pit lurkers, the all-star cast is sure to entertain and elicit loud, awkward guffaws from even the most discerning Furcadian viewers.

A random poll of Furcadians who had seen the show showed mostly positive responses: "I AM the Nite MAN," NiteMyste The Ancient said, while hard drive bloater Spyware noted, "My breasts were made of Denny's placemats." Humanoid creature Mino, however, expressed disapproval. "All the characters fall into archetypical, one-dimensional roles that frankly bore me. And it's about Furcadia."

can you read this

"o.o" least popular emoticon

According to a study released by the Useless Furcadia Information Group, the emoticon "o.o" is the least used in Furcadia. The study is the result of 12 years of completely pointless Furcadian demographics research.

"It's not surprising," said UFIG leader Wrapsweti Sylvan, "considering that 'o.o' doesn't show any kind of emotion. It's just a blank stare. What use is an emoticon that shows no emotion?"

"NONE! >:O," Sylvan's colleague Warsaw Plenvisty shouted angrily.

Sylvan added, "Plus, that little dot-mouth looks really stupid. What kind of mouth is just a dot? Jeez. :\ " At this point, Plenvisty interrupted, "A mouth? Are you some kind of stupid person or something? That is clearly a nose, you pathetic ignorant geek!" They then proceeded to fight each other for a while with rubber tubing of some sort. It was quite amusing.

Other unpopular emoticons revealed by the study include "xD" and "XD". The most popular ones, however, were ":~~)", "<.v", "*.---().&&&", and "</html>".

 
Today's lesson is on Politics