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BLIMEY

VOL. 4

SUNNYDAY, MAY TWENTY-ONE, 2006

Wap Silverytawns plays 1. Green Day - Good Riddance

The very foundations of the Furcadia community were shaken on Wednesday when a pinkish cat known as Wap Silverytawns announced he was listening to Good Riddance by Green Day. "This is probably the most important event in Furcadia history," said a random bystander on condition of anonymity. "It's even bigger than when Salty Spiwvernaw played 245. System of a Down - Toxicity."

Tape was unavailable for comment.

 

Mighty thesaurus now extinct

Dozens of roleplayers crumpled into lifeless heaps today after thesaurus.com announced bankruptcy and ceased all operations.

Without thesaurus.com, many roleplayers have become scared, timid creatures, hiding from each other behind crumbling walls or the decomposing bodies of less fortunate roleplayers.

 

or maybe Post Nuclear Wastelands

Aftermath of thesaurus.com's death in The Leaky Mug Tavern and Inn.

Some attempted to write their character descriptions without thesaurus.com, but were horrified when they wrote clear, understandable descriptions that actually made sense. These unfortunate furres were banished from their roleplay groups in shame.

The situation of the Furcadian roleplay community is now complete and utter devastation. Once popular roleplay dreams have become as empty as build-a-homes.

Government spokeswoman Emerald Flame struggled to put a positive spin on recent events, but the despair was evident in her eyes. "Think... think of it as an opportunity," Emerald Flame said. "An opportunity for roleplayers to try a new style. It... we... Furcadia will get through this. We shall overcome..." Blinking back tears, Emerald Flame fled into Felorin's arms, who winked slyly at the camera.

 

Naeva is really cool

statistics!

According to a recent survey conducted by The Muskrat, Naeva is considered "really cool" by 100% of those surveyed.

This has nothing to do with her linking The Muskrat in her description.

 

Alts for sale

The following alts are for sale. We accept Aluminum Sponsorships, Infrared Roses, DragonSnails, Mexican pesos, and locks of soft auburn hair.

 

Zombie Dietician

You Say

Narootoh

Whoreson Welles

Karozoa

 

President Bush does what he pleases

President Bush and Canada don't seem to get along.

Bush visits Furcadia

NAIA GREEN — In an unprecedented move, U.S. president George W. Bush took time out of his busy vacation schedule to visit Furcadia on Saturday evening. This marks the first time a sitting head of state has visited Furcadia since Russian president Boris Yeltsin drunkenly staggered into Meovanni in 1998.

Lured by Furcadia's Texan creators, president Bush didn't waste a chance to talk to the people about the issues, like the growing flayed horse carcass on hay crisis. However, his arrival was not met with much applause, a reaction that was totally unexpected considering Furcadia's almost romantic love for the president.

A transcript of the occasion can be found here.

 

You are a jerk

Innocent victim of Furcadia Karazoa (ex-demon) left Furcadia on Monday. You ask why this is news? The explanation is simple: you are a jerk.

Karozoa's farewell statement exposed all Furcadians for what they truly are: sadistic, malevolent jerks who eat their own family members at dinner banquets (quite palatable with a lovely full-bodied Merlot).

Karozoa's theory: Furcadians are jerks. To prove that all Furcadians are jerks, Karozoa presented an epic list of Furcadians who are jerks. These people did really jerky things to him. Jerks.

The following is a short exerpt from Karozoa's list of jerks:

Indigo Nightfall - Too friendly and courteous. Jerk. Gar - Name spelled backwards is "rag". I hate rags. Morgan - When I was minding my own business, she gave me a cookie. Did she ask if she could give me a cookie? No. Bahamut - Too hairy. Cosmos - Impersonated a Guardian. When I reported Cosmos, was whispered by Cironir to stop. Glen - Disagreed with my political views. When I asked why, he explained. Jerk. Beekin - Kept telling me what time it was, even after I told him to be quiet. Total jerk. Rose - Tried to attack me with sharp thorny flowers. Told me they were "given by a friend." Yeah, right. Reported, and Guardians did nothing. Jerks jerks jerks jerks jerks. Abbi - Welcomed my alt to Furcadia when it

logged on for the first time. Totally uncalled for and condescending. The_Rg - Blue fur enrages me. Master Configuration - Male. Glasses - Got her confused with Monocle. Confusing. Kiwi Lemon - Made a typo. Got annoyed when I made fun of her for it. Leah - Don't know much about her. But probably a jerk too. Dwapook - Too green. Tybalt - Claimed that pi is exactly 3, the jerk. Ona - A helper beekin who helped me but was disconnected halfway through. Infuriating. Ree - Friends with Ona. Master Socket - Lied to me. Claimed she wasn't real. Stabbed me in the back. Youlanda - Stabbed me in the back literally in a roleplay situation. Completely disregarded my immortality. Cloudpaw - Ejected me from her dream for no reason after I politely compared her to every mass murderer I could think of. Riv - Saw her in a dream I don't like. Anubis - Feasts on human hearts. Unsettling. Sarsi - Flying spaghetti monster. Physically impossible. Dr. Cat - Said he was Felorin. Liar. El Borracho - Cheated on me. Shameless self-promotion. Jerk.

The list goes on. Experts have reviewed the entire list and have concluded, as Karozoa has, that every single person who has ever played Furcadia is a jerk, including Karozoa. One cannot simply explain the jerkiness as merely innocent misunderstandings and "normal teenage pettiness and drama." No. We are all jerks. Especially you, gentle reader.