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VOL. 2

SATYR DAY, MAY SIX, 2006

Talzhemir speaks about Furcadia, logic, her incredible wrists

Mighty Genie-Queen Talzhemir found time in her busy schedule on Tuesday to endure an interview for The Muskrat. A random person, who we will call Hamnet, was bribed with a can of pickled beets to interview her, because frankly we're too afraid to do it ourselves. The following is an excerpt of the interview.

 

Hamnet: lol how did u come up with Furgaydia
Talzhemir: Well, the idea of Furcadia came around back in the late 80s when Felorin and I were working together at Origin. Of course, at that time the market wasn't quite ideal for such an endeavor, so we set it on the shelf for when the conditions were right.
Hamnet: ur gay
Talzhemir: Argumentum ad hominem is a logical fallacy.
Hamnet: what
Hamnet: shut up
Talzhemir: Nevertheless, after we had achieved moderate success with DragonSpires, we realized that our fantasy-themed MMOSG based on user-created content was finally viable. And in 1996, it was released. :-)
Hamnet: lol FurGAYdia
Talzhemir: Do you realize that I achieved my thick, muscular wrists by crushing thousands upon thousands of skulls with my bare paws? Skulls belonging to trouble furres just like you? :-)
Hamnet: ur wrists r fat lol
Talzhemir: I see how it is. Cironir, please take care of this for me. I have to make an appearance in another article.

Cironir: With pleasure, milady.
Talzhemir departs.
Hamnet: lol i win
Cironir: HA! HA! HA!
Cironir flexes his guardian muscles.

 

The rest of the interview was deemed too violent for a family website and has been omitted. Let's just say that afterwards, the Janitor Beekins spent several hours removing the red stain from the ground.

 

Gar

Gar gar gar gar gar gar gar gar gar gar gar. Gar gar gar gar gar. Gar gar gar, "Gar gar gar gar gar gar gar." Gar gar, "Gar gar gar gar!"

Gar gar gar gar gar, gar gar gar gar gar gar gar gar. Gar gar gar "gar" gar gar gar. Gar, gar gar gar gar gar gar?

 

NiteMyste does absolutely nothing

Canadian bacon NiteMyste did absolutely nothing this week. Well, he probably advertised The Muskrat on his radio stream, Nite Radio, but nobody really listens to Nite Radio. It's pretty sad, actually. I'd give him a pity cookie but I spent them all on Rammstein's alts. Speaking of which.

 

Alts for sale

The following alts are for sale for DragonScales. We only accept DragonScales. WE MUST HAVE DRAGONSCALES!

 

1nu.y@sh-a

Male Pattern Baldness

Ice Ice Baby

Nikodemus

why am i an animal this is weird

Owslas Rule!!

Pokemon Praadise

Depends™

A Can of Diet RC Cola (Caffeine Free)

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Vanity now easily edited

MEOVANNI — The Wisdom Tree, Furcadia's only true cult other than Furantia, has created a wiki about itself, cleverly named Wisdom Tree Wiki.

The wiki has been publicly advertised by Wisdom Tree spokeswoman hugin. Cult expert Paws Silvertawny described this move as a sign that the Wisdom Tree cult is trying to publicize itself as a legitimate, nonthreatening organization, while secretly continuing its malevolent plotting against the Beekin administration. "It's surprisingly like Scientology or PETA in that respect," Silvertawny said. She quickly added, "But you better not quote me on that or you'll offend people."

the flaming zeppelin WT Wiki

The flaming zeppelin Wisdom Tree Wiki.

The Muskrat's editors failed to heed Silvertawny's advice, however. In fact, one editor was so self-absorbed as to quote themselves in their very own article. "WOO I'M QUOTED ON THE MUSKRAT," wrote the editor.

 

 

Last words censored

Internet demon and Furcadia addict Tawn Sliverypaws passed away, like, the other day or something. His last communication in this mortal coil before succumbing to a brain aneurysm was, sadly, a typed message on a main map in Furcadia. Even more sadly, the message was censored and therefore rendered incomprehensible.

In his final death-throes, Sliverypaws managed to type the following words: "Noboru Take$@!?a's $itle was Prime Minister, and he ate @$!?ake mushrooms in sal@$!?er with his wife @$!ari!" He then collapsed at his keyboard. Sliverypaws's's wife laments, "If only I knew what his last words were, then I would have some sense of closure, but this doesn't make any sense! I don't understand! Oh, woe!" She then cried nonstop for three and a half hours, at which point she ran out of tears.

When informed of this tragic, tragic, sad, tragic (sad) story, Sliverypaws's Furcadian friend Elmira Blackdarkdeath commented, "He had a wife? He told me he was 16!" She added, "Oh, and like, I'm real sad he died. Whatever. Make sure you put that in."

Random Furcadia expert Hans Christian Andersen notes, "This is very common when a Furcadian says something that's censored and then he dies for some reason and then his wife is sad and then that @$!?% Elmira acts like she doesn't care. What a skank."

When reached for comment again, Blackdarkdeath responded, "You tell that Hans that he's just a big dumb twink and no one cares what he says. I oughtta kick his $@!?ing @$!, that stupid $@!?." She then had an aneurysm, but fortunately not a fatal one. She returned to Furcadia several days later a changed person! Yay, happy ending!

 

Letters to the editor

Subject: New Furc UPDATE

I have been hearing rumors about no Bears in this next update. How about a UPdate on such said Rumors.
Cinder Bear

 

Well, Cinder Bear, we have infiltrated the highest echelons of the Beekin beaurocracy, and can confirm these rumors as fact.

Not only will bears not be released in the next update, but in their place will be a totally different species.

The replacement avatar is based on Talzhemir's chinchilla avatar, but enlarged to a staggering size and rendered in beautiful nonremappable grayscale. The size and sheer beauty of the new avatar intimidated even Talzhemir as she was creating it. She was forced to consume worryingly massive amounts of alcohol in order to maintain her courage.

As we were wandering around Acropolis, searching vainly for Dream Makers Guild, we fell into a dream Talzhemir had uploaded. Inside, we were amazed to find the following scene:

Talzhemir's bodacious bookstore

The beautiful new avatar on display in Talzhemir's lair.