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VOL. 17

SUNDAY, AUGUST 20, 2006

Decryption is fun!

Cryptologists everywhere, including our dead houseplant, have been hard at work trying to decode the recent enigmatic series of digo advertisements. Advertisements like the following have been perplexing furres everywhere, unless they actually have things to do with their time:

 

[=] [advertisement] If we didN't tell you *anything* about our Golden Days of Summer Sale, would you click on this link anyway? **LINKETY-LINK** All the info is there, we promiSe! Go ahead and click. You know you want to... (#14) {to } { to} {Toto} {Otto}

 

This particular advertisement, in addition to using poor capitalization, unexplained numerical codes, and other weird stuff, expresses Felorin's "want" for The Muskrat. The Muskrat, however, is more interested in Gar, that sexy hunk of a man.

Regardless, people are really talking about this thing. Some people are talking too much about it, and are quietly disappearing, never to be seen again. Despite this, many claim that it is all just a marketing ruse, designed to further increase the already monumental wealth of the Dragon's Eye Productions staff. Felorin responded to these accusations by flying his private helicopter to Barbados and crying into his martini.

What is hidden in the coded letters? As journalists it is our responsibility to tell you the truth. But you can't handle the truth.

 

Muskrats insecure in self-image

The editors of The Muskrat were reduced to tears this week after discovering that no one had replied to their latest forum post. "Waaaah, nobody likes us!" exclaimed El Borracho as he cried into the shoulder of The Other Guy. However, their sadness turned instantly into joy when they checked their e-mail and discovered about a thousand messages from adoring fans. Then, out of nowhere, several people posted to the forum at the same time. "Dude, this, like, this is... yay!" jubilantly exclaimed Borracho, who was drunk as usual. He drinks a lot.

 

Alts for sale

The following alts are for sale. For payment, tell us a good joke. We can't think of any.

 

Everyone in Italy

JonBenet Lives!

Seven Billionth Miracle

Al Qaeda Operative

Magic Mr. Mango

Unsavory FurN Activities

I'm With Stupid ->

Someone Crying Into A Random Object

1337 H4X0R F310R1N

 

Allegria Island ruined forever

ALLEGRIA ISLAND — Furres from all over Furcadia gathered in Allegria Island on Thursday to see the recently added changes. All of them were horrified. "What? This sucks!" exclaimed Lapwavy Wenstirs, a former AI regular. Everyone agreed.

The newly updated map, or "dream" as we here at The Muskrat call them, now forces furres to remain standing at all times, and anyone who tries to upload a dream will be banned from Furcadia for three months. In addition, a conveyor belt is constantly moving everyone

 

Where did that lake go? I seem to have misplaced it...

Beware, blockers of Lost Lake. The flowers have poison barbs that lunge at bystanders.
They have already killed many.

JPG compression is bad for Furcadia screenshots!

The sharks are another common complaint.

towards the southern part of the dream, known as "The Landfill". In this area, several furres are hired to walk around smacking everyone in the face with a trout.

"I just don't think I can handle this!" exclaimed Wenstirs as he cried into a sequined napkin. He was then smacked in the face with a trout.

Furres immediately began petitioning DEP to return AI to its former state, which caused Emerald Flame to laugh. "Ha, ha!" she laughed.

Luckily, nobody has noticed that the locations of the Feral Island and the Homes island (Australia) are backwards. It would cause riots if they found out. Wait, don't read any of that stuff I just said.

 

Furres Tire Words

Despite not being in competitions of any kind, thousands of furres have taken to the phrase "ftw." Ftw is an abbreviation of "for the win" or "flailing toxic werewolves," depending on if you ask a sane person or not.

The abbreviation is also popular for being the reverse of WTF, which is another common acronym. We won't tell

you what it stands for, though, because we don't approve of such foul language, goddamn it.

This is important news because "ftw" causes cancer, global warming, and the Irish Potato Famine of 1845-1849. Upon learning this, Vrawn Sweatylips, a frequent user of the acronym, cried into a sock. Why a sock? We don't know. That Sweatylips is certainly a weird one.

 
In this comic the narrator really shines. What a voice!