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XVII denarii

SOOTHING

VOL. 10

SUNDAY, JULY 2, 2006

Yanni concert shocks FurN

FURRABIAN NIGHTS — "Contemporary Instrumental" musician Yanni took time out of his empty schedule on Wednesday to perform an impromptu free concert in Furrabian Nights (FurN). The normally horny, sex-crazed citizens of FurN were confused to the point of speechlessness as they crowded to hear the keyboardist play his soothing, somewhat trite melodies.

 

please disregard the caped bunny

Furrabian Nights denizens stand in silent shock as Yanni (not pictured) performs. Photo by Kiyi.

Yawny

Yanni (not pictured)
performing in FurN.

However, the initial curiosity soon gave way to astounded anger. Several dream owners angrily attacked Yanni for taking their favorite dream locations, Furcadia Radio DJs jealously unplugged his keyboard, and dozens of idlers came out of their afk state to pelt him with partially soft, juicy produce.

Yanni was forced to call off his concert and, after a failed autograph session, was escorted to his private moped.

Afterwards, Yanni was quoted as being "disappointed" about the concert.

 

Furcadia Quote Database lauded

Investigators report that Furcadia Quote Database, a bash.org-style quote vomitorium, is awesome. However, historian Alva Wintryspews has determined that it was only awesome after it quoted El Borracho and George Walker Bush, two wonderful, charming, sexy furres who are totally not alts of the person who is writing this article.

The creator of Furcadia Quote Database, a meowing matador by the moniker of Mandaliet, mentioned that many more messages may constitute a continuously more complete collection.

 

Alts for sale

The following alts are for sale. They're good for roleplaying. In Soviet Furcadia, role plays YOU!

 

Madeleine Albright

William S. Cohen

Janet Reno

Bruce Babbitt

Robert B. Reich

Robert E. Rubin

Help with Guardian Applications

The Guardians, or Owlsa for the old farts, are understaffed. To solve this problem, millions of kind furres have volunteered to donate their time to becoming Guardians, and yet most are shot down for giving awful answers to the Guardian application.

To help more furres be accepted into the Guardians, an anonymous Furcadian has sent us their answers to both the general Beekin and Guardian applications. The perfect answers this furre gave, if copied verbatim, are sure to guarantee you admittance into the high-status n00b-enforcement group.

The following are some excerpts from the application:

Why would you like to join the Beekin volunteer program?

to meet hot beekin chicks

In your opinion, what exactly does a Guardian do?

Eat donuts and drink coffee mostly I guess. Is there any police brutality? I'm interested in that.

What do you think would be the most difficult thing to deal with in a Guardian role?

I bet you get so many girlfriends that you forget the names of some of them. That could be awkward. Can you number your girlfriends, if it's easier to remember? That should go in the next update.

 

All the responses can be found here.

 

Furcadia Forums Drown in Hate

Recently, the Furcadia forums, which were once a haven of happy gay butterfly things, have suddenly become, like, this total pit of people being all angry at each other and stuff. It totally sucks, man. It's like, someone will be like, "Furc sucks!" and then ten other people will be like "Furc doesn't suck, you suck!" and then Emerald Flame will lock the thread and oh my God I'm so high. You remember that last thing I wrote where there were birds flying around and stuff? That was real. Man. Um. Hee hee. Um. What was I saying? Oh, I remember now.

Since I'm totally a reporter or something, I decided to like, ask people

 

what they thought about the Furcadia forums and how they're all like. Negative vibes, you know? Yeah.

So like, the first person I talked to, Swanwelts Privya, had a really pretty aura. It was really sparkly. Anyway, he said, "Furcadia has forums? Whoa!" So he wasn't much help, but we still hung out, it was cool. Then the next person, or furre, whatever, that I talked to (I don't remember her name) said "Yeah, but that's nothing compared to the HeroinPuppy forums! Man, they need to mellow out!" Actually, like about a hundred people said that.

So, yeah man, at least Furc's forums aren't like the HP forums. Also, guys, I'm still totally toasted. You have no idea.

 
He lifts a giant book with the greatest ease!