VOL. 13

SUNDAY, JULY 23, 2006

Illegally chatting furre arrested

FURRABIAN NIGHTS — Guardians responded to a call on Tuesday from a pantomime horse reporting a disturbance in a private dream.

Guardians found the alleged creepy furre, who shall remain unnamed, chatting with a woman in a locked room. After a brief struggle, the furre was subdued with some facial tissues. As he was being led away by Guardians, the furre shouted "I did it all for the yuffy!"

Avery Spawnwilts, the woman who was the victim of the furre's chatting, recounted the experience for the Guardians. "Well, I was just sitting afk, all by myself, in a herm taur hyperfur dream, when this guy comes up to me and locks the door. He sat beside me and... and he started talking about his favorite bands and stuff. I didn't know what to do! I just sat there and hoped he would go away." Wiping her eyes with some tissues, Spawnwilts continued, "Well, lucky for me a pantomime horse happened to be passing by and called the Guardians. If he hadn't, I shudder to think what might have happened. That creepy guy might have started to talk about the weather!" Spawnwilts then burst into tears.


Local janitor blogs

A castoff from the Randomism legacy, ridiculed, downtrodden, forced to clean up Cironir's vomit, and paid very poor wages, the FuzzyRandom janitor has started a weblog to express his innermost suffering and rebellion against society. This journal is sure to incite violent revolution in Furcadia.

So far, the janitor has written about a spider that walked across his desk. This spider met a cruel death at the hands of the janitor. We at The Muskrat can only say, "Why, Janitor, why? What did it ever do you?!" An army of spiders (and gummi worms) will soon stream through the Janitor's one-way wormhole in a kamikaze mission to destroy the spider killer. Vengeance shall be theirs.


Furcadians speak out against filler

Today, Sunday, at 4:45 and thirteen seconds PM in the evening, several furres, or Furcadians, made it their objective to speak out against the action that is often known as filler, or including material in a project just to make it look bigger and therefore more viable, or when extra space must be taken up.


This is what the word 'filler' looks like.

Among the many complaining furres or Furcadians were Mr. Bartholomieu "Speedy" Thaddeus Rutherford, Gnutella Jim Winfred Griffiths, Vladimir Illillych Mikhailovitch Parsimmocinnimononimmon Ph.D, Timothy Richmond Scadinandoson ASCAP, and Joe Lewis.

We at The Muskrat applaud their efforts to put a final end to the scourge that is known as filler.


Poetry Corner

Today we have a lovely short poem by Vatspy Wrenislaw, the poet laureate of southern Antarctica. Admire its rustic candor and simple minimalism.


furc sux lol


Alts for sale

The following alts are for sale. At least, that's what your mom said.



Master of Slinkies

Squirming Death Monkey


Mikey the Palm Weevil Pupae

Mazui Chinchin


A drug-addled artist's depiction of the depiction of M'Rill that brought on the riots. We're showing it here so that we can get in on the action. There's no such thing as bad publicity!

Depiction of M'Rill sparks riots

The streets of Furcadia were overrun with rioting felines this week. This comes after showed a depiction of M'Rill, the Original Feline, who is considered to be the purest being evar by fanatical fundamendalist felines. According to Sacred Book of Catness, M'Rill shall not be depicted, especially on websites with a tan background. Nobody seemed to notice that M'Rill had already been depicted on the Digomarket page.

Cat-obsessed government angered

Dragon's Eye Productions (DEP) was outraged by the M'Rill cartoons. This comes as no surprise, since most of the DEP members are, in fact, felines. DEP co-flounder Talzhemir, Furcadia's most devoted Prime worshipper, was particularly upset. "What kind of godless heathen would draw the great M'Rill (May Her Purrs Be Plentiful)? Frankly, it makes me sick." Youlanda quickly knelt at Talzhemir's feet with a bucket at ready.

The reaction from the small non-feline portion of Furcadia has varied, though several artists are helping with Guardian investigations pertaining to the offending

cartoon. Guardian brigadier-general Cironir says that "the cartoonist responsible for the blasphemy will be hunted down, maybe played Bomberfurre with, and thrown in The Slave Pens, unless they're into that sort of thing."

Fanatics be hatin'

However, not all felines are as upset about this. "Those cats think they all that but they ain't," said Vera Swaptwinsly, a moderate feline who's not usually all "blah blah blah" in the news all the time so you don't often hear her perspective, do you.... Anyway, she went on to say, "I wish they'd all just chillax. They're making the rest of us look bad."

We informed Cironir of Swatwinsly's opinions, because we love messing with things. Cironir, a feline fundamentalist, screamed, "TROUBLE FURRE!" and banned Swaptwinsly for three months. That was fun.

But to get the full picture, our reporter attempted to get in touch with M'Rill by telephone. The response, "Let's kick it up a notch! BAM!", caused the reporter to slam the phone down and run away screaming.


Today's lesson is on Astronomy.