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VOL. 30

MONDAY, DECEMBER 4, 2006

Furcadia marks 10th anniversary

That's right! 10 years ago, Furcadia... blah blah blah.... Actually, we don't really care. Randomism does, though. Click on that link and read the accompanying text, we beseech you. It's funny.

 

Rhyming ads terrify Furcadians

The season of cash register worship is upon us, and its nearly ubiquitous presence has even reached Furcadia. This is evidenced in the highly painful and expensive surgery some furres go through to temporarily change their fur colors red and green, as well as in the new poetic digo advertisements that pop up every five seconds or until the advertiser's throat gets tired.

"AUGH OH GOD MAKE IT STOP!!!" was a common cry heard in Furcadia from furres who had just seen the awful poems. In some areas the ground was soaked with blood after a few furres tried to claw their eyes out, like in that one episode of The X-Files but more precise (because they're part animal, after all).

The exact reasoning behind DEP's usage of torturous advertising is unknown; Felorin and Emerald Flame merely giggled for five minutes when we asked about it.

To enlighten those who haven't seen the ads, but mostly because we hate you, we have included one of the poems in our "poetry corner" below.

 

Poetry corner

This poem, by Pawla Naia Millfurre Jennings, is a tribute to the late Dogless Adams. It is considered to be the worst poem in Furcadia.

 

The dead furres afked in the stagnant pool.

They lay. They rotted. They attracted newfurres occasionally.

Bits of flesh dropped off them from

Time to time.

And sank into the pool's mire.

They also smelt a great deal.

 

This poem, by the staff of DEP, is considered to be the second-worst poem in Furcadia.

 

[=] [advertisement]

If you're missing our deals from the past,

While our tenth anniversary lasts,

We've brought some of them back,

So help fill Santa's sack,

These bargains are really a blast!

www.digomarket.com

 

LOST CAT

$$$ REWARD $$$

Humanlike proportions, walks on hind legs. May speak occasionally.

Last seen in the area of Meovanni.

$$$ REWARD $$$

whisper Cutefangs on Furcadia

 

Did you know?

Did you know that Furcadia has been around for 10 years? Yes. You did.

 

Alts for sale

We're selling the following alts, which are HIGHLY DESIRABLE REALLY

 

Wani, Queen of Ports

Steal This Furre

Kiwi

Ree

Moni

Narnia

A MOOSE FROM SPACE

Hamlet

Psy

Edward

eig

Turquoise

Dr. Strangeglove

Dr. Foxglove

Dr. Foxtrot

Dr. Horsetrot

Dr. Horse

Dr. Cat

 

Here's your alt text, you heathen.

The decision that resulted in two Muskrat articles.

Cinder Bear's day

Furcadia's kind, gentle all-purpose grandmother, Cinder Bear, had an interesting day.

Our investigator, The Masked Elf, reports.

Click that thing to the left to hear his report, and make sure you turn the volume up a lot. The transcript can be found here.

Not quite bored out of your mind of self-absorbed articles about El Borracho? Continue reading below for more delicious self-aggrandizement!

 

El Borracho a Father?!

by Auora

After careful undercover work, this reporter has discovered that El Borracho, editor of the Muskrat, is actually the father of Cinder Bear's children. All of them. As the above image shows, El Borracho had adopted all of Cinder's children while Auora Plushie dressed him up in a pink dress.

Could the burden of all these children (for Ti'Bear is a huge family) be the motivating factor for El Borracho's constant state of inebriation? I confronted Cinder Bear about her children's father's alcoholism and she

replied hotly, "He's a wonderful father! The kids all love him and we read the Muskrat after supper together, just like a true family!"

But what Cinder Bear didn't mention was that she and El Borracho are actually in marriage counselling with Orion every Tuesday evening. After attempting to persuade Orion to reveal to me what goes on in these meetings I found myself ejected from Naia Green repeatily for no real good reason. Frustrated, I gave up on finding other things to fill this article with.

Auora is this chick we know.

 

RP Bigotry Menaces Furcadia

by Drancron

Duckburg, Calisota (FP) – Tensions between role players escalated in recent weeks, sparking new concerns about the threat of what some call "role play bigotry".

The length of role play posts has played a leading role in the ideological conflict, with role players preferring posts longer than six or more lines, commonly known as Para-RPers, at odds with those who favor fewer lines. A number of Para-RPers have demanded other role players recognize their style of play as superior to all others, insisting that massive amounts of description is an integral part of role play. Several short-post role players contend Para-RP is inferior due to excessive and redundant descriptiveness.

In a single speech lasting over eighteen hours, Johann Obliterati, Grand High Poobah Sporting Green Oculars, Perky Auditorys in the Shape of Acute Isosceles Triangles, etc. [Full title cut down due to lack of space. – Ed.] of the Paragraphs in Furcadia Fundamentalist League Eternally (PIFFLE), called upon other Furcadians to "destroy the infidels who refuse to acknowledge [Para-RP] as the only true path to role play enlightenment." Obliterati described role players who posted less than six lines as "abominations", encouraging Para-RPers to "drive off all enemies of true role play." Taking fifteen minutes, Ed O, Leader of Short is So Sweet Intifada (SISSI), responded that role play should not include "too many words" which are "unnecessary" nor be "filled with drivel" he called "meaningless".

Over the course of over thirty-eight one line posts, O claimed Para-RPers "drown role play" with "too much garbage," and should be permanently banned.

"I'm not surprised by this," said Yakky Spitz, a Furcadian Socializer, when he learned about Obliterati and O's stances. "I think role players have a very elitist attitude." Yakky listed a number of factors which turned him from an eager role player newcomer to a staunch Socializer, including indifferent dream owners and harassment from role players. "It happens all the time. Newcomers want to join in, but the establishment takes every opportunity to bully them into leaving. The number of lines in a post is just their latest excuse to chase us away."

Most role players have given little heed to role play bigotry. "Role playing is about having fun," said Li'l Spots. Her best friend and mate, Linus the Magnifico, agreed, "Role play...should [be] first and...foremost fun...The number [of] lines is...irrelevant." A recent poll revealed many role players support tolerance between different types of role players despite their own varied tastes.

While DEP has refrained from issuing an official statement on the current situation, a source was quoted as saying that, despite the intensive work going into the next client update, "should either side decide to resort to fighting, they'll find we're not bushed."

Drancron is a professor of linguistics at Furcadia Institute of Technology. His scholarly works have been published in all kinds of journals you've never heard of.