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DIE!

VOL. 32

MONDAY, DECEMBER 18, 2006

An interview with gyerfry

Gyerfry, the guy behind Furc Funny News, kept wanting us to interview him, so we did. After the speech by Felorin about the prehistory of Furcadia, we met up with him in the Furcadia's Tenth Anniversary Celebration! dream.

Here's how it all went down .

 

Furcadia takes all of your money

Furcadia, which is like this game where you talk to people and you're a bored animal, is once again receiving criticism for its extortionist tactics of taking people's money. What a bunch of jerks!

"THIS MAKES ME ANGRY!" screamed Swats E. Vinylwrap, who knows everything and is always right. "They're totally ripping us off! What do they need money for? I need it more than they do! This totally sucks, kind of like when Felorin..." (at this point Vinylwrap continued his rant in a manner that can't be printed here).

Vinylwrap concluded, "Furc sucks anyway, and anyone who takes it seriously is a fool. I should know, because I've been playing it for 8 years."

But we suspected that wasn't the whole story. To get a second opinion, we searched all over for Emerald Flame. We even looked in Sanctuary, the famed guild dream she brought back from the grave to eat your brains. Finally, we found her sitting on the beach in AI, inserting needles into dolls that looked like furres.

"We are greedy capitalists because we have to be!" she said, angrily jabbing a needle into a doll that looked kind of like Narnia. "A dilapidated shack in Texas would be heaven! All we've got is a couple of cardboard boxes in Mexico. Not to mention, we're vastly understaffed, behind on our taxes, and out of catnip!! In addition, I'm paralyzed from the ankles up and Felorin is just a floating head in a tank of life support serum! We hired a couple new people, though. We'll take the new expense out of Gar's and Leah's salary, or something." Emerald Flame then started nailing a doll to the wall. It looked sort of like me, so I left quickly.

In conclusion, please let Furcadia take your money. You'd just spend it on alts and booze anyway.

 

DEP whoredom postponed repeatedly

The members of DEP, not able to support themselves by selling the pixels they make by hand daily, have decided to resort to prostitution and auction their very selves off. However, despite their desire to be at the mercy of whichever authority-hating furre has the most money, the auctioning has, as of this writing, been called off twice.

Instead, there were limericks. Fortunately, these were not terrible limericks, at least compared to the ones in the ads. In fact, they were the best limericks ever! As Felorin read them off against a lively hip-hop beat, all the spectators were wowed and whoaed and OMGed. This gave Felorin massive street cred... like, a thousand points of it.

Examples of his combination of Irish rhyming and urban beats can be found here and here and here and here and here and here.

 

Did you know?

Did you know that you can get to a secret level of Furcadia by pressing Alt-F4? HA HA I TRICKED YOU OMG N00B!!!

Did you know that Multiplayer Online Games Directory hates Furcadia? Fortunately, they added Furcadia back to their voting list after Felorin bribed/threatened them with DragonScales.

 

Alts for sale

We're giving the following alts away for free. Nobody would buy this crap.

Ha ha, just kidding! We're still greedy and out of touch with reality.

 

Sir Uses-old-jokes-a-lot

Helicoptering Eagle

Nietzsche is dead  -Felorin

Felorin's Name Again

Emerald Flame Too

To A Lesser Extent, Talzhemir and Gar

George W. Mush

Heyman Stoppit

Digo Day makes everyone go "Whee!" except maybe you

...We had a hard time thinking of a headline.

Anyway, Saturday was Digo Day on Furcadia, and thousands of furres turned out in swarming droves to make all the people who already had digos feel just "average".

However, the day was also a source of mindless, childish joy. Random idiotic but fun activities sprouted up everywhere.

 

Helicoptering eagles Tycoon, GRAAAAGH, Amalthea, and El Borracho lopped off the heads of any furre who ventured too close.

Digo Day was not all fun and games, though. In keeping with the tenth anniversary celebration, which lasts for a

fortnight, or maybe a paksa, whatever that is, Felorin gave a long speech about the history and prehistory of Furcadia. Emerald Flame and Talzhemir were originally going to talk too, but they both ate some anthrax, or Emerald Flame and Talzhemir beat each other up, or something. I'm not entirely clear on the specifics.

So Felorin spent the entire time talking about the prehistory of Furcadia and how he and Talzhemir first met in a dark opium den in Austin, Texas, where Talzhemir was working. Felorin spoke to his business partner Lard Burtish about bunny slippers, and Burtish and Talzhemir went home together.... But their meeting was promptly forgotten by all three and never told again. Then, later that week, Talzhemir was painting a mural of a gigantic radioactive wyvern battling Garfield on the Congress Avenue Bridge when she had failed to realize that said bridge was trafficked. She was run over several times, before Felorin, then known as Dave Navarro, saved her with a wicked guitar solo. With several bananas in his ears, Felorin healed Talzhemir with a flick of his nostril. And the rest, of course, is history.

The furres WITHOUT digos are the ones that stand out.

A photograph of the Digo Day speech, with helpful comments added for the... the win.

Honcho Relegated To Being "Just Another Furre"

By A Nonny Mouse

Honcho, the Mayor of Furtropolis, once one of the few furres on Furcadia that could cause the servers to crash with just the rumour of him uploading a new dream he had created, has been demoted to being one level above being a "n00b".

"I can't figure it out... there were days I had to unplug my computer just to get away from the furres that wanted my ear, nose or just about any other part of my body. But nowadays I can't even get arrested, no matter how many times I set Felorin on fire," Honcho states. (Just for the readers’ information, the minimum sentence for setting Felorin on fire is 6 months of listening to Felorin singing the “Happy Happy Joy Joy” Song-off key.)

 

Honcho used to have the world in his paws... literally!

But was Honcho's fall from grace just a lack of being on Furcadia 25 hours a day, or is there something more sinister involved? Rumour has it that Starbucks On Furcadia and McDonald's On Furcadia–dreamlinked into Furtropolis–

have been stealing his visitors and brainwashing them into thinking that Honcho is just a nobody.

Other dreamweavers just as Gin Blossom and Kinsem are implicated; once apprentices to Honcho, their dreamweaving efforts now exceed his own.

"Well, Kinsem was more of a lackey than an apprentice, but Gin is definitely a faboo dreamweaver," Honcho remarks.

Other dark sinister currents lead to the supposedly huggable Cinder Bear training all those under her care to ignore Honcho, but this cannot be confirmed because of the stark, horrified looks people seem to get when asked anything about Cinder Bear.

Yet Honcho offers a reason for it: "I just haven't been on Furc that much. There's this thing called a 'job' I have to waste 9 hours a day at."

A reason that is both simplistic and reasonable, but because it is simplistic and reasonable, it obviously cannot be the true reason. Is there some dark force that is turning the once powerful and famous furres on Furcadia into nobodies? Who will be the next one to fall into anonymity?

"Actually, I don't mind the loss of being mobbed all the time. It gives me the chance to make some more patches and dreams and spend some time with some of my favourite furres on Furc," Honcho stated, but this reporter stopped caring about what he had to say about then.

You think we know anything about A Nonny Mouse? He's anonymous!