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VOL. 37

MONDAY, JANUARY 29, 2007

Emerald Flame announces presidential bid

made by Damadar, I guess

Emerald Flame's logo for her bid for presidency.
(I don't get it!)

Emerald Flame, currently a senator from Naia Green, announced today that she would be running for president of Furcadia. This came as a surprise to absolutely no one, as it has been widely believed that her senatorship was to be used as a "stepping stone" in order to take on the presidency.

Former president Felorin, Emerald Flame's mate, is naturally very supportive. However, they do not plan to campaign together a great deal, as Felorin's overwhelming charisma would likely outshine that of Emerald Flame and make him the center of attention. Plus their relationship has been a little strained ever since that well-publicized thing with Gar.

 
No, you moron, Timo is NOT in the well!!

What are you trying to say, pillows?
What's that? Timo's in the well?

Naia pillows are at it again

Despite several Muskrat articles denouncing the cruel mockery of the pillows in Naia Green, those gosh darn $@!?ing pillows are still insulting furres with their hateful messages, which now attack roleplayers, computer users, and even furres in general. As our underfed reporter Kittyloaf reports hungrily, the residents of Naia are not going to take this sitting down (because now there's nowhere they want to sit).

"Rise against the fluffy pillow empire! They are repressive and over used! They are taking over. They destroy us and make fun of us for who we are!" exclaimed an unnamed rabble rouser whose name is Black Clover, the 2nd King of the Odds.

Clover continued, "We will go down in history for our uprising. We may fail or succeed, but the Pillowy Empire of Evil Fluff will reign for only a short amount of time. I as the OWOOF (Official Wierd One Of Furcadia) declare war against the fluffy threat! I warn you that many will be succumbed and cuddled by these pillows. But we shall fight and take it over. We the Furres will fight till the death of us or the Pillows!" Clover was then escorted away by the Guardians and charged with sedition.

Kiyichichi, who we found nearby trying to figure out a way to add more 'i's to her name, expressed her anger thusly: "We must expose the truth! These damn perverted FluFF pillows are wanting furre adult movies and the like, and now have turned on the Role-playing furres." She then set fire to a pillow, which cried... oh, how it cried.

 

And now, we will never write about the FluFF pillows again. We promise!

 

Did you know?

Did you know that those flowers that send you around Naia Green steal a little bit of your soul every time you ride one?

 

Alts for sale

We're overstocked! We're practically giving these alts away! Sale sale sale! Sale times infinity! We're selling them for $0.01 each! Exact change only, please.

 

Quentum Toiletino

Hilarity Duff

The Furious Furre

Farrier Pratchett

DEP successfully exploit themselves

On the Saturday before last (what, you thought we updated every week?) was held an auction. An auction of grand proportions. An auction of people.

No! Not slavery. That would be wrong. It was just harmless, innocent prostitution!

The auction was kicked off with an important announcement from Felorin. He then introduced sanctimonious, Emerald Flame, Cironir, Gar, Farrier, and Rei-Jin as pasty white dairy products.

And then the auction began! Oh wait, no. False start. Okay. I'm ready now.

And then the auction began! It started off well. But then Leah threatened to beat sanctimonious up until he agreed to do menial domestic labor. This forced us, The Muskrat, to change the subject completely.

The G-prize was purchased with exuberance, as well as the F-prize. But then came the bidding for Rei-Jin. Wottyy went insane with desire for her, and completely lost it at one point:

 

Felorin: And we have 200!

wottyy bids 2001 GD, 0 SD, 0 CD.

Sngel: o.o

Kuni Zyrekai: ...

NBA: o.o

kgj: O__O

Definated: XDDD;

Auora: Eh?

Griff: HOLY

Ryo: X.x

Baci: HAHA

Rei-Jin: Um.....

Unfortunately, wottyy regained his senses.

 

Leah: THAT was... a typo.

Sorcy: Yeah I think he meant 201 xD

wottyy: yes

wottyy: sorry to much
Rei-Jin: Please clear that for him. I'd feel horrid...and owe my soul.

Felorin: Unless you're trying to claim that Rei-Jin is a "Space Oddyssey". Or oddity. :-)

 

Later, Felorin started to abuse Raz for no reason, to the shock of everyone. It started to get extreme until a cute guy named Jesto caught his eye. The auction kind of unraveled at that point.

 

Aftermath

But in the end, they raised $2971. The auction was a success. Xxysthstris, Friendly Sammy, Dalmad Cronos, Raz, and Cruncher all bought large steaming hunks of delicious DEP flesh, and everyone went home happy. Well, except the DEP people, maybe. Cironir and Felorin, in particular. I just hope that Friendly Sammy guy isn't too friendly.

Of course, this means that DEP is now rich beyond its wildest dreams, so you don't have to buy anything from them for a while. This money will be used to upgrade the server, so that Furcadia will be better served. After the upgrades are finished, which should cost about $50, Felorin and Emerald Flame will head off to Las Vegas and blow the rest on a few high-stakes games of poker.

 

 
ZOOMG!

I don't know why everything is pink either.

Furcadia attacked by clones

In an event straight out of, uh, that one movie, a horde of identical furres arrived in the Vinca and prepared to DESTROY EVERYTHING. Both of the furres who witnessed this were very frightened. "Yo, man, I was really scared, yo, yo," Dookia

told us while flashing gang signs, at one point accidentally hailing a taxi.

However, all this frightenedness was for naught. No sooner had the clones begun to destroy things than Cironir arrived in a flash and banned them, thus saving the day. Yay, Cironir! Everyone loves Cironir.

 

It's Chaos Nake's advice column again. Soon we'll be able to complete a scale model of the Kremlin out of the angry letters you send to us. We're about two thirds done.

 

Ask Chaos Nake

Dear Nake,

I married a herm and it's almost Valentine's Day. I'm afraid some things (like roses) are too girly but other presents (like a new tie) are too macho. What should I get him/her?
Signed, Three-Dollar Bill

 

Dear 3D B.,

Get him/her a Quantum Toilet. He/she can use it standing up, or sitting down, and the seat's position will remain indeterminate. Just don't observe this, because then it collapses into a wave. Yes, I know that's queer. (Not that there's anything wrong with that, of course.)

Dear Nake,

I'm an out-of-work feral goat from Arinos's Goats to Coats. I heard Furcadia needs more rams. Do I count?
Signed, Capricorn 1

 

Dear Corny,

That's more RAM as in server RAM! And as everybody knows, RAM is not sheep. It can be pretty expensive.

 

Dear Nake,

None of this muskrat crap is funny. Especially you. It's all just a lame excuse to keep printing the same names over and over! Nobody knows or cares who those people are.
Signed, Welt Schmertz

 

Dear Welt,

I sense you do not let yourself laugh. Watch this funny video. Now laugh. You must laugh, or your colon will rupture.

 
Yes, we got permission!

Talzhemir speaking in tongues during one of her frequent religious trances.
( And why is this one green? Oh whatever, I don't care anymore.)