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VOL. 33

MONDAY, DECEMBER 25, 2006

DEP self-destructs

DEP, the ruling party of Furcadia, has just enacted new legislation that should be very popular. The “Have It Your Way” Law severely limits the power of DEP and puts it in the hands of the people. Metaphorical hands, that is. Not real ones. Actually, forget the hands entirely. It should be paws.

Beginning next Tuesday, Furcadia will be controlled directly from the Suggestions forum. Any suggestions posted there will immediately become policy, even if they’re impossible to do, like 1024-bit graphics or 3D FreeBSD clients or something. Additionally, the Guardians will be dissolved, and every furre will have the power to ban every other furre.

“We were tired of controlling everything, and everyone hated that anyway,” said the formerly important Felorin. “What better way to solve that than to give the power to the people? Right on!”

The news was greeted with jubilant celebration from most people, but others were angered. “This is just like them!” said Rev. Al Swaswyptin. “They’re just a bunch of power-hungry jerks who want to keep us down!” It was later determined that Swaswyptin had no idea what was going on; he just says that whenever DEP does something.

Analysts predict that Furcadia will be consumed by anarchy within a week. Civil war will ensue, and a rapid succession of brutal, insane dictators will ensue, each one deposed by the next. You will be lucky if you are killed in the onslaught, because finally, all DEP staff will be fired, the beekin program will be discontinued, and all of Furcadia will be ruled by the repressive, often violent tyranny of the dark empress Cinder Bear.