The Muskrat: News From The Bowels Of Furcadia

Randomism ghost sighted

Randomism has resurfaced yet again, despite the remarkable handicap of having died three times before. The ghost has been witnessed possessing custodial workers, causing power disturbances, tossing breakable objects around the room, and generally making the janitor's job really difficult. According to us, everybody hates Randomism and the mess it's causing in our living room.

Archbishop Clawz, a spokesperson for The United Church of Order, shrieked, "We must exorcise the Randomism spirit from Furcadia forever." "It creates chaos and upsets the balance," calmly screamed Cardinal Vlady.

Naruto Ninja Academy has been enlisted to fight the evil ghost of website past, but so far the genin, chuunin, and jounin have all failed, and the lenin were too busy overthrowing the Russian government.

FuzzyRandom sympathists claim that Randomism is actually a friendly ghost, much like Casper, or Adolf Hitler (he's totally different now!). They also claim that Randomism is still funnier than The Muskrat could ever hope to be. These lying traitors were promptly executed by lethal injection of donuts.

Local drunkard Tia was overheard in the street singing, "Looks like randomism loooooooove!!" Her singing was awful and her breath reeked of bourbon, so we didn't stick around to ask what she meant.

Poetry Corner

Oh dear God it's poetry. Run. Run for your lives. We will all be killed.

The Dumped Furre's Lament

He put me on ignore

Into my heart he tore

He made it really sore

It hurts more and... and more

He ran off with some #&$?%

I really want to roar

He ran out of the door

He's rotten to the core

I think he's into vore

He acts like such a bore

Like that guy named Al Gore

Excuse me while I snore

I'll sleep till about four

Maybe dream of Eeyore

Then I'll go to the store

I'll buy some iron ore

This poem is a chore

Want to write it no more

Oops, I already used "more"

Dammit!

Alts for sale

The following alts are for sale. Selling for food (dry meal ok).

Emperor Nero

Cironir, The Guardian Consul

Who's a Dirty Furre? I Am!

Plastic Albanian

404 Furre Not Found

The kind volunteers at Furcadia Health Department have removed all the trash from Allegria Island to create a healthier Furcadia. Thanks, Furcadia Health Department!

Furcadia gets a good scrubbing

Well, so, the missus has been gabbing me ear off lately about the ruffians who live down by the docks. You know, the ones with names from history and classic literature. Delinquents, the lot of them. Always dropping their beer cans and rubbish in our yard. Filthy scamps everywhere! Well, the missus, she said she got a bobby to come down and put an end to it, but when he came around, he had the bally nerve to tell us to just use the ignore feature! Officers these days, why, it's just intolerable! And another thing—

Sorry about that. The real article begins below.

ALLEGRIA ISLAND — Volunteers have been working to clean up Furcadia, which has grown progressively dingier in recent decades. These philanthropic, civic-minded people with way too much

free time on their hands have banded together to create Furcadia Health Department, a headquarters for cleaning up Furcadia's maps, one by filthy one.

Allegria Island, disputedly the most polluted of all Furcadia's main maps, was the first to endure the vigorous washing. Stray dream portals and garbage, as well as trash, were swept up and put into a giant trash bag. Unfortunately, the mystical qualities of all those dream portals combined to tear a hole in the very fabric of the... the trash bag. Obviously they weren't using Hefty™... or is it Glad™ that we're supposed to be promoting?

While they were at it, the volunteers got a little carried away and hosed off a few furres who were looking dirty. Said wet feline Pawla Envywrists, "Ackpth! Stoppit! I'm gonna get my Super Soaker™!" Fearing for his life, our reporter fled the scene. The volunteers died probably.