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VOL. 28

MONDAY, NOVEMBER 20, 2006

Crossword confuses everybody

Well gee whillickers, it looks like everybody done got confused by the crossword puzzle we had in our last issue, I tell ya what. According to the scoreboard, not a single person finished it! Not even Furcadia's council members down there in the Lone Star State, and not even The Muskrat itself! Sheeit! That ain't right, I tell ya, although all you folks who're interested in grammar might tell me I shouldn't use "ain't". Well then, it ai not right.

The situation down in Furcadia was total anarchy as a result of these shenanigans. One sweet li'l bit o' heaven named Eig but without that thar capital letter exclaimed, "Bah! I can't figure it out!" She then fell into the lake, I tell ya. Her alt, Spyware, said, "I was so close to beating Furcadia, and now this!" I feel for ya, Spyware, I really do. Beats a pig a-peckin', I swear!

The Beekins were unable to quell this chaos—I mean, they was fixin' to git right contentious about this, but they were a li'l busy seein' as one of them demons they summoned got loose and caused a ruckus.

 

New trend to sweep Furcadia

ALLEGRIA ISLAND — A new trend has emerged in Caelan, a dream in Allegria Island. This fun new activity, which is sure to sweep Furcadia by storm, is known as "standing on top of another furre".

Snuggling, snugging, hugging, and humping are all popular activities for expressing affection to girlfriends, boyfriends, friends, and random strangers. But now, "standing on top of another furre" is gaining widespread popularity.

 

El Borracho is starting a meme.

El Borracho (left) demonstrates "standing on top of another furre" on a dead body, while Kiyichichi (right) demonstrates on her severely injured friend Archer.

"Standing on dead bodies is the most fun I've ever had," said El Borracho, co-editor of The Muskrat. "It's the only thing that makes me feel truly alive, aside from booze and small children of course."

Kiyichichi, the owner of Caelan, said, "Um... that's just something that El Borracho does. I was just trying out some wrestling moves on Archer in that picture." She went on to note, "El's kind of creepy <_<".

Borracho is currently under investigation on charges of murder and assault.

 

Alts for sale

We're selling the following alts for diamonds. DIAMONDS!! WE MUST HAVE DIAMONDS!!!

 

Ford Prefect

April O'Neal

Tintin

Howard Beale

Milo Bloom

Kent Brockman

William de Worde

Wilhelm von Wort

--> #SO***BUY THIS ALT***#SO <--

Gui-zun says 'Give peace a chance'

The people have spoken: shorses suck.

Shorses: do they suck?

ALLEGRIA ISLAND — In the past few weeks, "shorses" has been the word on everyone's lips. What are they? Do they taste good with ketchup? Do they suck? These just a few of the many questions furres are asking.

Last Friday, one of those questions was answered.

As you can clearly see in the image above, which was taken by this dude we know, the overwhelming majority of voters have decreed that shorses do, indeed, suck. In fact, we can assume that 100% of Furcadians think this, since the only people who voted against it obviously had no idea they were supposed to be voting.

Youlanda, rah of the Leirune guild, was not happy. "I don't care if shorses suck or not, those dreams are attracting visitors to my guild!" When our reporter appeared confused, Youlanda explained, "People might want to roleplay with us!!"

Spunge bob, who lives in a pinappel undre teh see, was unavailable for comment, but he sent us a gift basket of Krabby Patties. As of this publication, they are decomposing in the corner of our office.

Beggar chieftain sanctimonious, who was spotted on the scene afterward, said that he was already working on a bugfix for the shorse issue, and that getting rid of shorses completely is "entirely up to Tarja Hal— erm, Felorin."

 

 
Spokespersons from Coca-Cola gave no comment.

Those Pepsi bottles are pretty good at stabbing when they don't have any arms.

Pepsi battles for Furcadia

By Hell's Offspring

OHNOES! Pepsi is planning Furcadia Domination!

It was a hard fight in Allegria Island Saturday night, some brave furres died as some fought hard. In the end Pepsi had won and their leader Sinning Angel lead them to victory! Drake Osiris, a bottle of Diet Pepsi, chopped one furre's

head off and landed it on a stick, while Kitsuness poured Pepsi Acid on nearby furres. Pepsi Products Unite! *cough*Shiko le Iniquitos just spilled perfectly good pepsi)*cough*

Hell's Offspring, Pepsi spokeswoman and self-described Satan spawn, is an award-winning self-help author. She lives in Hell's Kitchen, Manhattan, with her two demon babies.