VOL. 24


The Muskrat interviews Felorin

MEOVANNI — On Saturday, shortly after the server's "bad trip", our minion Dr. Medical found Felorin, the Supreme High Commander of Furcadia, in Meovanni. Felorin graciously agreed to endure an interview, although it... it didn't really turn out like an interview....

Anyway, read the whole rambling thing here! There are pictures even!


Did you know?

Did you know that this is a new feature for The Muskrat? We thought it up all by ourselves!

Did you know that Carrie O'Kaye's entire body smells like fish?

Did you know that "Carrie O'Kaye" means "Please stop singing" in Japanese?

Did you know that Cironir once banned Carrie O'Kaye for having bad posture?

Did you know that Carrie O'Kaye's sweat can cure diabetes, but she only sweats occasionally, like the other day when it was really hot out?

Did you know that Carrie O'Kaye and Damadar were once married, but only for five minutes?

Did you know that according to DNA tests, J. R. R. Tolkien was the child of Carrie O'Kaye and Damadar?


Damadar is still lonely

Where are you people? Damadar is lonely, and he needs a friend! Wasn't last week's article enough? He's been crying even more lately about his loneliness, and it's all your fault (not ours)! He even recorded his strangled sobbing just for you and J. R. R. Tolkien.

If you have trouble understanding what Damadar is saying in that clip, here's a transcription:

"Hi everyone, this is Damadar. El Borracho and I were just talking and he reminded me how lonely I really am 'cause nobody ever comes and hangs out with me in Meovanni, and I'm just sitting there all day and I'm just staring and nobody's there and I'm all alone and it's just so sad. Anyway, I was hoping somebody might come to Mycroft's and hang out with me, it used to be such a great place filled with people like Papillon and Amfortas but they just took off [unintelligible sobbing] I don't know where they are, Manivo's off with his Wisdom Tree friends, it's... it's just so sad. This message brought to you Variik and Damadar because we were sitting alone in Talzhemir's dream one time, being random!"

You've seen how he gets depressed all by himself, now help him do it! Talk to him! Send him your hugs! Display your latent promiscuosity! For Damadar!


Alts for sale

We're selling the following alts for any books by J. R. R. Tolkien. They are our only form of currency at The Muskrat.


The former symbol of the artist formerly known as the artist formerly known as Prince

Sanctimonious Hegemony

A Man With Two Noses


Enraged Klingon Warrior

Talzhemir's Fake Build-A-Home

Cocolorum Recquiescat


There's a message here, but it's too subtle for me to understand

A common scene at DEP headquarters, illustrated by Ahezhara. Click to enlarge.

New Beekin Group Revealed at Dragon's Eye Meeting

An unnamed source reports the Beekin program has been secretly expanded. The new "Beekin Deathsquad" will deal with patch theft and dream spot squabbles in a more final and effective fashion than the Guardians. The new volunteer group is also intended to combat the growing "hyooman problem".

Rush Limbaugh

They're so scary!

Those whose portraits are clearly furless with absurd wrinkled rounded ears and grotesque flat face, i.e.,'Homo sapiens', will be marked for relocation. The masked leader of the Beekin Deathsquad, alias Doctor Dentalion, was overheard to say, "These are sick people. They say it's only part of a game, but it won't stop there.

They already dress as hyoomans at conventions in real life. They eventually end up having sex with hyoomans. They are truly depraved."

Hyoomans and the other "Undesirables" will be hunted down, rounded up, and taken to a secret camp called Gaia Online. There, they eventually die of complications related to diabetes brought on by the drippy sugar-coated environment. (Rumors that furres are being illegally transported there for tortures such as being made three heads tall and forced to wear cute little skirts have not been substantiated.)

Elves will be tolerated but will be forced to wear the Tolkien rune for 'L' tattooed on their forehead. Ninjas are to be rounded up, taken to concentration camps, and bleached.

Art for the new Beekin group's badge features the tiny green head of Beekin and a simple white skull with cat ears.


Entropy Serpent is a senior journalist at The Clamsnorting Times-Gazette. He can be reached by telephone, if you know his phone number.


!!!!!!!!!11111 NOOBS R TALKN LYKE RETURDS!!!

ong ong i kant b liv ti, nubz r lik stil talkn lik stoopid newbs n lik itz supa retodet. ther al like "Hello! Nice to meet you!" an iz lik "suxorz da fudgeizms uperz!" so yez newbz r lik stil tly anyng n i wiszn thay alz wlds dies.

Da endy

By Oamey (AKA OATMEAL!!!!)

PS! Tis halloweenz! The animez clubs hasish ben solzd agn 4 lik the mamillionth tim. So tis al animeish themedy! Thy evn has animez pumpkins!

PS: Dnt kil kowz ti ant kooll...



The previous article(?) was submitted to us by wildly flailing theoretical physicist Oamey. For those who have difficulty reading Czech, we have thoughtfully provided a translation, look over there -->


Week 11: Knobs taken lick returns.

Hong Kong — In Canada, by Liv Tyler, knobs are licked in style. J. R. R. Tolkien licked the stoop on which knobs were also licked, after a supper of rodents. Thermal dynamics expert Li Ke said, "Hello! Nice to meet you!" He continued his licking, and then told us, "Socks made of fudge are super!" Sometime yesterday, the news reporter licked his telephone stylishly and angrily. "Now, I wasn't there at all," he said, and then his words dried up.

That evening:

Baby Oamey ate all his oatmeal.

Praise Satan! Hell owes New Zealand. That anemic cub smoked hashish sold to him by his friend Ben, and then he aged four years while licking a mammoth named Tim. He then listened to Amish Paradise by "Weird Al" Yankovic. "Thy evil has no place here!" exclaimed an unnamed Amish man.

Pieces of donkeys caused tiny giants to be cold.