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VOL. 27

MONDAY, NOVEMBER 6, 2006

Dragon attacks FluFF pit, 3 injured

NAIA GREEN — The FluFF pit, normally a friendly, happy place filled with genetically modified flowers and steep, dangerous stairs, was disturbed on Sunday by the sounds of fire, screaming, and a squeaky toy that someone stepped on.

 

The horror!

A dragon, identified by observers as Hikari Ravenfeather, breathed fire onto three bystanders, say Guardians. Two of the bystanders were Var Blacksmith, age 48, and Kiyichichi, age 62. The third victim's identity is not yet known, due to the extent of his or her burns.

Breathing fire is very unnatural behavior for dragons, who have only been known to breathe, sneeze, or vomit streams of sparkly, rainbow-colored, heart-shaped toxic smoke. If they have learned to breathe fire as well, then God help us all. Unless he's busy, or something.

 

Wolf Howl movie contest... exists!

As you may remember, last week we demanded that you, our slaves, submit movies for the Wolf Howl movie contest. Nine brave Furcadians have answered the call.

But we don't want to take responsibility for that. Some of the entries... well... they are interesting. Click this link and experience extreme fear and mindless intoxication!

 

Oh, and I guess there's that dream contest, too.

 

Spring bombs orphanage

According to Stabicab, the leader of Furcadian Furres For Factual Facts And Alliteration And Redundancy And Also Really Long Names, there is irrefutable proof that the infamous furre known as Spring has thrown a bomb at an orphanage, killing all those inside.

"I am utterly appalled at this news," said Stabicab as he created a highly detailed Flash animation that explored the hilarity of Spring's weight issues. "The inhumanity of some furres is just sickening."

Since we're good journalists and all, we decided to check with other sources to verify Stabicab's claim that Spring is an orphan murderer. The best way of going about this was to ask Stabicab's friends, since they were nearby. "Yeah, it's totally true, LOL!" one said, adding, "OMG, she's so fat." That was all the proof we needed.

Spring herself was unavailable for comment. Actually, we didn't see any point in asking her, because this is obviously true. Plus, it makes a great story, so why should we bother risking a contradiction?

 

Did you know?

Did you know that sanctimonious is the online persona of Linux founder Linus Torvalds?

Did you know that animals don't really talk?

Did you know that we're not selling any alts this time? And it's all your fault, somehow.

A crossword puzzle!

Yes, a crossword puzzle!

It's totally a crossword puzzle.

No newspaper is complete without a crossword puzzle.

Not that we're a real newspaper or anything.

I mean! We are definitely a real newspaper, and therefore, have a crossword puzzle this week. Yeah.

Just fill out the boxes according to the clues, then click the button below to see if you've won. It's pretty easy. My cat did the whole thing in two minutes.

You're better than a cat, aren't you?

                   
                       
                         
         
                         
                     
                           
               
                             
         
                       
                         
                       
                 
                 

You can go here to see who's solved it so far.

Across

1. Disgusting hairless creature

3. A command you say to find a yiff partner.

8. What you dig up and then you say "oh"... what? That doesn't make any sense...

9. What beekins say when they hate you: #__

13. The opposite of "OOC", which is the noise an orangutan makes.

14. Cats (not the musical).

16. A form of government where the only rule is that there are no rules. Also, there's fur.

17. To keep harrassing people who have ignored you, just send them a ____ with your message attached.

18. Stands for "What The Furc?!"

20. Red Bull gives you this popular type of digo item.

23. When you're sad, just say #__ and kind, helpful furres will flock to you.

24. A main map often confused with a real-life north African nation.

25. The citizens of Furcadia. As in, "You dirty _____!" or "Holy crap, what are all these _____ things everywhere?!"

28. The Worshipful Master of Furcadia's Masonic Lodge. Also a fish of some sort.

29. The place where famous people hang out, aside from FurN (2 words)

31. What we say when someone farts on Furcadia.

33. What people used to do on Furcadia (yiffing doesn't count).

35. An exclamation of disgust at badly designed dreams

38. The sinister cabal of politicians that keep us all in constant fear.

39. Where you go when you get ejected from your favorite BDSM-themed dream for pretending to be a 19th century cotton plantation owner.

40. What you say when you go do something else on the Internet besides Furcadia, you perv.

41. The guy who keeps Randomism going to remind everyone how funny The Muskrat isn't. Bastard.

42. Give it to DEP and they will never ban you, no matter what you do.

Down

2. Felorin says he's ____, but I'm not so sure.

4. Furcadia's false gods are the _____s.

5. When Furcadia is down, you go to the Furcadia ______. If it's down, too, you're screwed.

6. The eight furres who work a lot for no pay. Why?!

7. Your boring dream not attracting any visitors? Just download a _____ from Roamheart! It'll still be boring, but people won't notice!

10. He made Furcadia Alt Market. For that he will burn.

11. It ain't ain't, so it ____

12. That thingy that goes down. You know.

15. A way of speaking so that someone can hear you no matter where they are

19. He's just this cat, you know? Warning: he may not actually be a cat.

21. This is where aaallll the magic happens. Oh yeah, baby.

22. Furcadia Radio is a Furcadian _____. (we really need to come up with harder clues)

25. That thing you waste hours and hours of your precious life playing.

26. I like to ________ as a flaming 10-foot-tall banana slug. Let your imagination soar!

27. They perform sinister rituals to summon demons and incubi and manticores and stuff. You say you are one and they don't do that? Well, maybe you aren't really one of them.

28. You have to have a rah and some taneests and maybe a couple baristas or banshees to get an official _____ charter.

29. Someone you're better than

30. One time, many years ago, before you were born, the ____s invaded. And they came from Something Awful.

32. This happens when you fall asleep

34. Stands for "Oh My Furcadian God".

36. The more of these you have, the closer you are to beating Furcadia.

37. Something Cironir has probably done a lot to you.