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VOL. 23

MONDAY, OCTOBER 9, 2006

Everyone hates you!

DUSK TILL DAWN — Have you ever wondered why people sometimes say mean things to you? Or why someone didn't hold the door for you once? Or why the last burger you ordered didn't have quite the right amount of spit in it?

The reason, as you may have guessed from the headline of this article, is that everyone hates you!

Undisputable proof of this has been found in Dusk Till Dawn, an R-rated main map that nobody knows about or ever goes to. A local furre by the arrogant name of "The Muskrat" was seen dancing on your grandmother's grave (if she isn't dead yet, let's say your great-grandmother's).

An innocent bystander named The Muskrat was lucky enough to be nearby to take a video (see below) of the shocking act, performed by evildoer The Muskrat.

 

GIT DOWN WIT YO BAD SELF

Video footage of The Muskrat dancing on your grandmother's grave. Note the angry red eyes.

 

Furcadia server intoxicated?

The Furcadia server has been behaving strangely this past week. Conspiracy theorists suggest that the mythological international secret society "Dragon's Eye Productions" has been manipulating the Furcadia server in sinister, nefarious "bugfixing" ways.

Experts, of course, agree that such wild claims are completely insane.

But what really is going on? "I reckon that thar server be drunker'n a Muskrat reporter on a Sunday afternoon WOO DOGGY!" noted behavioral psychologist Warpy van Witless.

A recent photograph (below) of the Furcadia Server behaving in a drunken manner lends credence to this theory.

 

the Furcadia Server is such a hottie

The Furcadia Server (left) with Saturday Night Live reporter Tina Fey.

 

Alts for sale

We're selling the following alts for whatever we can get for them. We just hope they're not completely worthless.

 

Felorin

Talzhemir

Emerald Flame

sanctimonious

Cironir

Bobbi Fett

Clam-based cleaning agent

Screaming Vatican Postal Worker

Jimmy Twinklepants

The Linux Penguin

Plippy Ploppy Cheesenose?

Eblis O'Shaughnessy.

 

we will fight the heathens, we will fight the heathens

The damage suffered by the Furc forums. This screenshot is edited for purposes of size only, we swear. See the original here.

Furcadia forums under attack

Recently, the majority of threads on the Furcadia forums were attacked by an unknown force. The threads were damaged severely: some were locked away in dark, badly-lit dungeons with horrible decor, and some were violently blasted to completely different forums.

"We are, like, totally baffled by this, man," said chief investigative hippie Beekin Wavysaw Rentlisp. "Except, like, the only thing we can... whoa, what was I saying, man? Totally blitzed. The only thing we, like, figure is that, like, based on the posters of the threads that weren't bombed by The Man, maybe the DEP dudes are secretly in on this, as well as The Muskrat! Save the endangered human, dude! They're people too!"

Suddenly realizing who he was talking to, Rentlisp continued, "Whoa, man, I don't mean that. I'm sure you, like, didn't have anything to do with it. Mellow out, man!" He then ran away. We haven't seen him since, although we haven't really been looking. He smelled gross.

We did think it was strange that Felorin's thread was the only one not "bombed" (aside from ours, but that's just because we're invincible) so we wanted to ask him about it. Then we got distracted and figured we could call him tomorrow. Then tomorrow came and we remembered we had foosball practice all day and didn't feel like getting on the phone afterwards. Eventually we had to finish this article and decided that, hey, it's still a good article even if Felorin isn't in it. Right? Please say we're right...

 

Cironir bans self

By Auora

Cironir has supposedly banned himself after calling himself names. Not much is known on this besides that Dwindlin is actually Felorin, and that Felorin is really Cironir. Thus, when Dwindlin called Cironir a 'Twink'' he insulted himself.

Enraged by this display of disrespect, Cironir countered with 'No U!' before running off crying. Dwindlin, furious for someone countering him so perfectly, banned Cironir.

 

Auora is a freelance journalist from Walker, Texas on loan to The Muskrat. She can be reached at (718) 387-6962.

 
It's the third key from the top left!

Thousands and thousands of pink keys. But which is the key to Damadar's heart?

Damadar is lonely

MEOVANNI VILLAGE — He sits in Mycroft's Bar, completely alone. He sighs, gazing over at the empty chairs beside him. Where are his friends, he asks himself?

Our team of highly paid investigators set to work to find the answer to this crucial question.

After several weeks of tireless undercover investigation, the answer was finally discovered: Damadar isn't written enough about in The Muskrat.